6 Years Sober: Healing My Relationship with Food, Body, and Self

I used to celebrate milestones (or really most any day if I’m being honest) with booze. This year I celebrated 6 years of sobriety with a photo shoot and a demonstration of my continuing evolution.

Though I’m only alcohol-free for 6 years, I have been on healing journey with food and body image for decades. I had to untangle a lot of crossed wires, old programming, and self limiting beliefs. I had to uncover and address significant shame, pain, and fear and learn how to replace them with grace and compassion. I had to re-write new programs and establish new beliefs by cultivating new habits and patterns.

The growth has not been easy or linear. Sometimes it felt stalled or even seemed to be moving backwards. It took time, grace, grit, support, commitment, and faith. A lot of it. And it was worth it…my relationship with food and exercise is solid, and I feel comfortable and at home in my body. Inevitable moments of shame are fleeting and no longer consume me because I have built strength and cultivated resilience. I have tools and experience now.

But the journey is never really over is it? As I navigate the hormonal changes of perimenopause, I have find myself butting up against the hard reality of aging. Of feeling less relevant and more uncomfortable being “seen”. I don’t think this is uncommon for women my age due to cultural programming that has is sourcing our worth at least somewhat from our appearance. After all, our youth is tied to our ability to have children and therefore correlates to our perceived desirability and self worth.

So while I’m comfortable in my body, and some days I am even in awe of its strength, I also realize I have been hiding behind the comfortability of kitchen photos. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kitchen. I love creating new recipes and helping women heal their relationships with food and body by mentoring them on this journey.

AND…this is just a fraction of who I am. I am active, strong, vibrant, passionate, driven, and high-energy. Failure is not an option. I am also feminine, soft, vulnerable, intuitive, curious, and compassionate. The most recent phase of my journey has been on continuing to further cultivate these softer qualities. Today I am fully alive and I am owning that!